


What Are We Going To Do Now

by OriginofChaos



Category: Smosh
Genre: Angst, M/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-19
Updated: 2015-07-05
Packaged: 2018-04-05 04:43:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4166328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OriginofChaos/pseuds/OriginofChaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I was hacked... I... I would never upload it anywhere... I didn't want you to know it.”<br/>“But how could they get your video then? Please, don't tell me it was on iCloud or something.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Hi everyone._

_It's not 'Smosh Is Bored', it's not even 'Ian Is Bored', it's just an announcement. The thing is that I... I quit Smosh._

 

“Ian, where are the- Where did you find this?! Why did you take my laptop?!”

Anthony ran to Ian who was watching an old video where Anthony was talking about something and shut the laptop only to find out that the sticker of Link on it was missing. It was Ian's laptop.

“What the hell, man?” Ian asked, annoyed. “I just started! Why don't you let me see the video you uploaded on your channel?”

Anthony felt dizzy and fell on Ian's bed.

“I... I didn't upload it... I thought… I thought you found it…” he mumbled.

“I don't get it, what could be in this video if you don't let your best friend watch it,” Ian opened laptop and played the video.

“Please... Don't...” Anthony whispered but it was too late.

“ _I don't know why I'm recording it but...”_ Anthony from the video signed. _“There is a man I love but I can't tell him about my feelings. I'm not gay, neither is he. I want to be with him, despite I'm dating a perfect girl. But she can never be as good as him.”_

“Wait, 'he'? Anthony, are you gay?” Ian was surprised.

“No, I just said that! Please, stop watching this...” Anthony begged.

“ _-so I don't know what to do,”_ Anthony from the video continued. _“No one would understand me, especially Ian-”_

“What?! Dude, I always understand you, why did you say that?!” Ian shouted, offended.

Anthony just shook his head and hid his face in his hands.

“ _-I love him. I love Ian and there's nothing I can do with it.”_

The video ended. Anthony couldn't dare to look at Ian. His emotions were mixed, he didn't know how he should feel and what should he be waiting for. He was annoyed because Ian didn't listen to him and continued to watch the video, he was scared, because he technically confessed to him in love, and he was terrified of the possible consequences. He didn't know what to do and what to say. At the same time, Ian was stunned. He stared at the screen, which showed previews of the recommended videos not blinking. His mouth was opened in shock, it seemed, he didn't believe his eyes and ears.

“Anthony... Is it... Do you...” Ian turned his head to Anthony. “Is that...”

“Y-yes...”

“When did you shoot it?”

“F-four years ago... I wanted to delete it but... I couldn't... I... I'm sorry...”

Ian signed and closed his eyes with a hand.

“This is the end of everything. That's it.”

“Y-yes. Yes, I understand, I'll leave,” Anthony stood up but sat again almost right away as he was still feeling dizzy.

“No. Anthony, do you still love me?” asked Ian, giving Anthony a look under his brows. Anthony shivered.

“I... I do...”

“Well, that's even worse than I thought.”

Anthony felt like something in his soul ripped off. He knew clearly that it was his hope for his feelings to be mutual. His heart started aching. Although he knew that Ian didn't love him, it was even more painful to hear a confirmation from the man himself.

“However, it was a silly question. You obviously do.”

Anthony sputtered in terror. The only thought that left in his head was: 'How the fuck does he know that? Is that really that obvious?'

“You wouldn't upload that if you didn't,” Ian finished and closed the YouTube tab.

“I-Ian, I didn't, I... It wasn't me, I swear...” Anthony tried to explain but Ian interrupted him.

“Who else if it wasn't you? It's you in the video; it's your personal channel where this video was uploaded. Just admit it,” Ian looked right into Anthony's eyes.

“I was hacked... I... I would never upload it anywhere... I didn't want you to know it. I thought I could keep it in secret until I die, I knew you'd never love me, I... I didn't want our friendship to end. Please, Ian...” Anthony's voice became weak, it was barely audible. “You... You have to believe me, just... Please...”

“But how could they get your video then?” Ian continued his interrogation, still not believing in Anthony's innocence. “Please, don't tell me it was on iCloud or something.”

Anthony looked away and signed.

“Dude, seriously?! It's too personal, how could you even..?” Ian screamed frustrated.

“I haven't thought about it!” Anthony howled in despair and dropped his hands.

“And why am I not surprised,” Ian drawled sarcastically. “And what are we going to do with this?”

“I... I don't know, I...” Anthony muttered doubtfully. “I'll delete the video, maybe we can pretend like nothing happened?”

“I doubt we can. But we can try,” Ian shut the laptop and stood up.

“Ian... Are you... Are you mad at me?”

“Of course. You're lucky I can't be mad at you for too long.”

When Ian left the room, Anthony collapsed on Ian's bed and closed his face with his hands. He wanted to cry desperately, but his eyes were dry. He understood that everything started falling apart and he was the reason for it. Of course, he hoped that it could be fixed, but he didn't know how. He felt as heartbroken as he'd never felt before.

Anthony logged in his YouTube channel to delete the video, but before it, he decided to read some comments.

“ _Oh, that's soooooooo SWEET!!!! You will be the greatest couple <3”_

“ _I KNEW IT!!!1”_

“ _Ian loves you too!”_

“If only,” Anthony whispered to himself, deleted the video and changed a password. Soon after that, his phone started ringing. Everyone he knew called him; at first, he tried to explain the whole situation, but after sixth call, he had had enough of it so he turned the sound off. He didn't want to check Twitter, Facebook or Tumblr because he knew exactly that was going on there and he didn't want to be the part of it. He spent the whole day lying on the bed and thinking of apology for Ian, listening to the constant sound of his phone's vibration.

Later that evening Anthony made up his mind to talk with Ian. He didn't actually want to talk with him, he was still kind of afraid of him, but he knew he needed to do it if he didn't want to lose his friend forever. Keeping fighting with fear, he went out of the room and found Ian watching TV in the living room.

“Hey,” Anthony whispered. Ian looked at him briefly and stared again at the screen. “I need to talk to you about... that.”

“Have you seen all the posts fan girls made?” Ian asked, not looking at Anthony.

“No. But I can guess what they could make,” Anthony chuckled and signed. “Ian... I know you are still mad at me. But I want you to know one thing.”

“What is it?”

“I want to be your friend. You know I love you but it doesn't matter to me. The video is 4 years old, my love to you is much older but I always knew it wouldn't be mutual. I got used to it. But I can't live without you as my best friend. I need our friendship more than love.”

Anthony looked at Ian waiting for his reaction. His eyes were still directed on the screen, but he gazed through it.

“Do you realise our relationship will never be the same?” he finally said. “I do know you love me. This fact only changes the way I treat you. I can't help it. And don't forget about our shippers. They won't let us be 'just friends'... And they never did, but can you imagine what's going to be now? It's gonna be a disaster.”

“I know. So…” Anthony swallowed, trying to clear the obstruction in his throat. “So you want me to leave you and never appear in your life?”

“I neither said nor meant that,” Ian retorted. “I just said it's going to be really hard. Harder than ever. But I don't want to lose you.”

“Thank you...” Anthony whispered, sat beside Ian and hugged him. “I love you... As a friend! Just as a friend!!!”

“No, you're not, you little liar!” Ian smiled. “But I love you too. Not in a gay way.”

 

The next fortnight was a disaster for Ian and Anthony. Everyone around them were constantly talking about the video and over-analysing their actions. It felt like everyone considered it as a duty to ask Anthony about his relationship with Ian, and eventually Anthony started walking away in silence when someone asked him about it. Anthony spent more time alone in his apartment or in his closed room when they were filming a new video. He stopped talking on his phone and responding on texts, he didn't appear in social media. The only exception he made was for Ian and his mother.

Once Ian and Anthony decided to film 'Lunchtime with Smosh'. Anthony tried to persuade Ian that this wasn't a good idea, but he had to admit that it was almost 6 months since the last 'Lunchtime' episode.

“Hey, Anthony, what time is it?” Ian asked.

“Finding Twitter questions, finding Twitter questions!!!”

Anthony started to scroll down the tag. The more questions he looked through, the more he got angrier. Finally, he threw his phone away in rage and hid his face in the hands. The phone shattered but he didn't care.

“Anthony, are you all right?” Ian asked concerned.

“Does it look like I am all right?!” Anthony snapped. “I can't, I just can't, why do they keep asking this?!”

Ian didn't reply. Anthony swept everything in front of him off the table in anger and fell on the freed place. Ian heard him sobbing and reached his shoulder to calm him down a bit.

“Don't touch me!” Anthony yelled hysterically, and he started shaking.

Ian didn't know what to do. Anthony hadn't had emotional breakdowns for a long time. This one wasn't surprising, because everything led to it since that day, but Ian wasn't prepared for it. Anthony was crying aloud and keeping repeating breathlessly: “Why? Why? Just why?” Ian stood up, went to Anthony and hugged him. Anthony didn't resist it this time. Ian sat beside him, still hugging him, and started to whisper something to soothe Anthony. And then, Ian realised what he needed to do.

 

Ian set the camera on a tripod and sat on the couch in front of it.

“Hi everyone,” he began. “It's not 'Smosh Is Bored', it's not even 'Ian Is Bored', it's just an announcement. The thing is that I... I quit Smosh.”

He exhaled heavily to calm himself down and continued.

“This is the hardest decision I've ever made. I've been making Smosh with Anthony for almost a decade. And now I think I should go away.

The reason I'm leaving is simple. You all have seen that video. But... Ianthony is not real. I don't love Anthony the way Anthony does. I can't hurt him. But there is constant pressure on him and on me and that really hurts him even more than his feelings, I can see that. I mean... Things like that shouldn't be in public. I blame the person who leaked it online. It wasn't Anthony, someone hacked him. Now everyone thinks that we're together, or ship is canon or whatever, but we're not, and I don't think we'll ever be. I'm really sorry.”

Ian paused for a moment and closed his eyes. It was getting harder for him to talk and he could feel the lump forming in his throat.

“I understand that everyone including Anthony hates me now. But I think this is right decision. The worst thing I can do is to give him a hope. I can't let him wait and hope for something that could never happen. All I can give him now is our long-term project, our 'child', in a manner of speaking, the thing we dedicated our lives for. So I should leave him alone, even if it means that I lose two the most precious things in my life – our friendship and Smosh. I don't know if he continues Smosh without me or suspend it, but it'll be different for sure. It'll be without me.”

Ian was about to end the video, but he remembered about Anthony. He didn't tell him about this, so he felt the need to apologise.

“Anthony, I know you're watching this. Please, don't hate me for that. I love you really much, but as my best friend. It's really hard for me to leave you, but I'm doing it for the best. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

Ian finished the video and uploaded it on his channel unedited. He turned his phone off to avoid the calls, took his already packed suitcases and left his apartment with his dog Daisy. He didn't know if he's going to return there, but he decided to keep the keys with him just in case. He also didn't know where he's going to go. He just threw all his suitcases in the trunk, let Daisy in the car and drove away.

 


	2. Chapter 2

“Daisy, how do you think, will they let you fly with me on the plane?” Ian asked his dog, while he was driving on his way to New York.

“Woof.”

“Why not? Okay, I'll google it later. I think you can fly...”

“Woof.”

“We can live somewhere in Europe...” Ian pondered. “In France, for example. I've been there some time ago. Or in Austria! I've seen some pictures of it; we could live in a village in Alps. And I know German... Somewhat... Well, a couple of sentences. Or in England, at least, everyone speaks English there...”

“Woof.”

“Me? I'd like to live where I used to...” he signed.

It's been 4 months since Ian left Anthony. He didn't know how Anthony was going through without him but he knew that he would make it. Ian monitored the activity on both Smosh channels. He was glad to know that Anthony didn't give up Smosh, but there weren't any new videos on their second channel, except Mari's 'Smosh Pit Weekly', and he almost didn't appear in 'Every Blank Ever' videos. Ian was at ease about Anthony. At least he had Keith, Olivia, Noah, Ryan, Mari and everyone else. As for Ian, he made decision not to contact with anybody. It was really hard. He missed everyone, especially Anthony. But he was sure – everything he did was for Anthony's best.

Ian hadn't made any new friends since he began a new life. He was travelling across the country with Daisy and got used to her. He was talking with her as if she could respond. At first, he thought that he started going crazy, but now this thought had vanished. Sometimes he compared himself with Winchester brothers from Supernatural, although the only thing in common with them was travelling. He often spent nights in the car because not every motel wanted to check him in with a dog. He got used to it, but the further he drove to the north, the less he could cope with it, especially when September had come and days became shorter and colder. Sometimes he got lucky and could rent an apartment for a few days or a week, but he hadn't had such luck for almost 3 weeks. He hoped to rent an apartment in New York, his final destination in his little tour across America, where he could sleep properly and think about his and Daisy's future.

“How do you think, can we go back home?” Ian asked.

“Woof.”

“Yeah. You're right. Anthony hates me. There's no way for us to return.”

 

Since Ian left, Anthony's life became a nightmare. The pressure on him got weaker, and he was glad for that, but he couldn't feel finally free. The absence of Ian was killing him. At first he called him every day at least 5 times only to hear " _The number you have dialled is either unattended or out of coverage area. Please try again later._ " He tried to get number from Ian's mother, but she kept telling him that Ian didn't give him any number to get in touch with him. He didn't believe her, but when he realised that he wouldn't get anything from her, he gave up the attempts.

Anthony thought that he'd suspend Smosh because he saw no point in making it without Ian. Then he realised that he needed to continue it to occupy himself and forget about everything that happened. It actually did work. He dedicated himself doing everything about Smosh. He edited all the videos, constantly thought about new ideas and wrote scenarios, while he wasn't shooting videos. His mind was constantly busy, but when nights came, thoughts about Ian always came back.

Every night Anthony lay on his bed, hugging Pip, and cried silently. For him crying was something he should be ashamed of, and usually he tried his best to keep his emotions locked deep down in his heart even when he was all alone. He was very ashamed of the breakdown Ian had witnessed at the last day Anthony had seen him in person. He even was ashamed of himself crying at night but he couldn't help it. He remembered every single moment when they were together, the day he was hacked, he day he saw Ian's video.

That day Anthony knew that when you think things couldn't get worse, they certainly would. When he saw Ian's video, he felt betrayed. He didn't want to believe it. After all the words that were said and heard, he was sure that they would be together, no matter what, but then Ian escaped and left Anthony alone. He hated Ian for it so much and he wanted to beat the shit out of him. But in spite of it, he really wanted him to go back and never leave again.

 

Ian was standing in front of the door to the apartment, holding a key. He was really excited to enter his new temporary home. As soon as he was ready to open the door, it opened itself, and Ian saw his future neighbour. He was looking almost exactly like Stevie, a character from Smosh's old videos. The only thing that distinguished him from Stevie was the way he was dressed. He was wearing a plain T-shirt and classic dark blue jeans. Ian shivered.

“Hey, neighbour!” his voice also resembled Stevie's a bit. “Glad to meet you and your dog!”

“Uh, yeah...” Ian mumbled blankly and held out his hand. “I'm Ian, and this is Daisy.”

_'If his name is Stevie, I'll jump out of the window.'_

“I'm Stewie!” he shook his hand violently.

' _Well, great.'_

“Nice to meet you too!” Ian smiled weakly.

“Come in, I'll show you your room.”

The apartment wasn't big, but it was pretty light and cosy and there was enough space. There were two separate rooms – Stewie's on the left and Ian's on the right. When Ian entered his new room, his heart started aching. It looked exactly like his room in the Smosh house. A thought appeared in his mind that everything is just a dream, but it was too real. While Ian was looking around, Stewie had already brought Ian's suitcases in the room.

“Do you like it?” he asked.

Ian jumped in surprise at the voice and spotted his suitcases standing in the corner.

“Oh, uh, yeah, it's great... Thank you for cases.”

“Not at all,” Stewie smiled. “Any questions?”

“Just one,” Ian replied. “Is there Wi-Fi or something?”

“Yeah, I'll give you a password. Anything else?”

“No, thanks. I think I'll have some rest now.”

“Okay, I'll be around,” Stewie grinned and left the room.

Ian decided to take shower later, and once he got a Wi-Fi password, he turned on his laptop and opened YouTube to check Anthony's progress. There was a bunch of new videos Ian hasn’t seen since he checked the channel last time. While he was watching one of them, he caught something he didn't notice before. Anthony's eyes. Something was wrong with them. They weren't warm brown any more. They were dull and empty, there was unbearable pain in them, and even when Anthony smiled and laughed, they remained sad. And then, for the first time in four months, Ian questioned himself if everything he did was right. All this time he was sure that everything he's done was for his best friend's best but now it turned out that he gave Anthony nothing but unbearable pain. _“But... There wasn't another choice...”_ Ian thought. _“Was there?..”_

 

Anthony entered the empty apartment Ian used to live and shivered. It felt dead; dust coated absolutely everything in there. He sat on the couch, and a cloud of dust raised and covered him as everything around. Anthony knew he shouldn't be there, but for some reason he felt the need in it. He wanted to remember everything connected with Ian and release his emotions. He was waiting for Ian coming in and shouting at him ' _Where the hell did you get my keys?_ ’ despite he knew clearly that Anthony kept a duplicate. But he wouldn't come.

Anthony wanted to let it go, and he thought that he was ready to do it now. Sooner or later, they all leave. Ian wasn't the exception. But he left too soon and too suddenly. He broke Anthony's heart, smashed him and left him alone to die. He did his best to overcome it, and luckily, he succeeded in it. That morning he woke up with a thought _“I don't want my whole life to be like this,”_ so he decided to open the wound in his heart for the last time. And there he was, sitting in the Ian's living room, overwhelmed with all the feelings he's ever experienced towards his best friend. Anthony thought that he would be looking through the stuff Ian left there but his presence in the apartment was enough to bring up all his memories and emotions. All the love and hate, all the joy and sorrow, everything fought in his mind, making him scream in pain and despair. Another emotional breakdown was on the way, but Anthony chose not to try burying it deep inside his mind. He knew that he should let it go on its way to relieve the pain. So he cried and screamed into the emptiness, letting the tears stream down his face.

When he calmed down, he was going to leave the apartment and never come back again. His goal has been achieved – the pain was relieved, and he felt free at last. When he was about to leave, he heard his phone buzzing somewhere in the room. Thanking whoever was texted him, he came back and took the phone. When he saw the name of the contact that sent him the text, Anthony nearly fainted.

“ _Check your e-mail inbox._

_Ian.”_

Anthony called Ian immediately, but he heard familiar feminine voice again, telling him that Ian turned his phone off. Anthony blamed himself for not reacting quicker, but it was too late. The text made Anthony intrigued. He logged in his account with his phone to see hundreds of new e-mails. He found Ian's letter quickly and opened it.

“ _Hey._

_I'm glad you didn't abandon Smosh. I have a couple of ideas for it, they're below. I miss you. I'm sorry.”_

Even though Anthony wasn't sure if Ian read this, he decided to answer him.

“ _It'd be much better if you came back, you idiot. Thanks for ideas. I miss you too.”_

 

“So tell me, how did you get here?” Stewie asked Ian when they had a breakfast.

“Well...” Ian poured milk into the bowl with cereal. “It's a long story, actually.”

“So tell me,” Stewie said and petted Daisy who was sitting nearby. “I like long stories.”

“Okay,” Ian signed. “So I used to be an actor. My best friend and I were making sketches. We were pretty famous, actually.”

“No way!” Stewie exclaimed. “So why didn't I know you?”

“Well... I was famous in the narrow circles,” Ian chuckled. “Anyway, my best friend got hacked, and his video leaked online... In the video he was confessing in love to me.”

“Why didn't he say this to you privately?”

“He was afraid of my reaction and he wasn't intended to tell it, actually...” Ian signed. “Okay, so there was pressure on him after that. I didn't love him in that way, but everyone kept asking him about everything between us. And I decided that it'd be better for me to leave. The lack of reason – the lack of troubles, you know. I haven't got in touch with anyone since then, everything I know is only from the sketches my friend makes. But now I started to think that I made a huge mistake...”

“And how long have you been away?”

“4 months.”

“You know, Ian...” Stewie said after a pause. “I know you only for a week, but I thought you're smart. And now it turns out that you're an idiot!”

“Wh-what?” Ian mumbled surprised.

“Do you love your friend?”

“No, I-”

“As a _friend_?”

“Yes...”

“I don't believe you,” Stewie looked right into Ian's eyes. “If you really _loved_ your _best friend_ , you'd be beside him right now. You'd be helping him to cope with the pressure you've told about. But you haven't helped him; you've only made his life more difficult than it was. Okay, we're going to correct the mistake you've done. First of all, call him or write him something, just let him know that he still means something to you.”

“But he hates me!” Ian tried to protest.

“Well, no shit, Sherlock! Just do it. Right now.”

“All right!” Ian snapped and went into his room.

Ian sat at the desk and put a laptop in front of him. He had no idea what he should write Anthony. The only thing he could come up with was “I'm sorry”. He stared at screen for half an hour but he couldn't make up any ideas. Then he decided to distract himself, hoping that the right thought strike him in the process. First, he cleaned up his room, then walked from corner to corner, pondering what he could write, and when he made almost a mile, he started surfing the internet. He read a couple of articles he found, checked the news, watched a couple of YouTube videos, but nothing came up. Ian felt like he was a schoolboy who was due to write an essay. He was ready to do literally everything but write.

“Ian?” Stewie knocked at the door. “Are you finished?”

“No, I-I'm thinking!” Ian answered quickly.

“Really, dude? Just tell him the first thing that pops up in your mind! Is that too hard?”

“I can't, I... Let me think!”

Ian decided to check Smosh channel before he could think about the letter again when the idea dawned at him. Since the day he left, Ian kept writing some ideas for Smosh videos. It was like a habit he couldn't break. And now he could send Anthony all the ideas he had as an excuse for writing. Ian squeaked happily, found all the notes he wrote and started making up a letter for Anthony.

 

“He didn't forget about me, Mari! He didn't!!!” Anthony yelled through the phone.

“I'm happy for you and him, whoever this 'he' is, but for fuck's sake, Anthony, I just fell asleep!” Mari mumbled, her voice was sleepy.

“It's like 3 o'clock now,” Anthony said puzzled.

“So what?”

“Uh... Okay... Anyway,” Anthony shouted again, running syllables together. “Ian wrote me a letter!”

“One more time and a bit slower, wouldn't you mind?”

“Ian wrote me a letter!”

“What?!” Mari shouted. “Are you serious now?”

“Yes! Mari, he sent me ideas for Smosh and said that he was sorry and he missed me!” Anthony was too excited so he couldn't help but yell. “Does it mean that he's going to come back?”

“Well...” Mari pondered.

“He's not?..” Anthony became grave immediately.

“I didn't say that! But... I don't think he's going to return soon. I'm sure he thinks that you hate him...”

“I do hate him,” Anthony corrected.

“Exactly. Even more, he's extremely ashamed for everything he did. So...” Mari signed.

“I got it.”

“But he sent you a letter!” she tried to support him. “I think that means a lot.”

“Thanks, Mari,” Anthony smiled.

 

“So,” Stewie asked. “Did he answer?”

“Yes,” Ian muttered. “He said that I'm an idiot and I'd better be there with him.”

“See?” Stewie exclaimed triumphantly. “Everything exactly as I told you! Now pack your staff. You're going home.”

“What?! No!” Ian protested. “I'm not ready! That's too much!”

“You're ready and you know it,” Stewie retorted. “You're just afraid of it.”

“Yeah, and that means that I'm not ready!”

“Don't be stupid. If so, you will never be ready for it. It's okay to be afraid of it. But it's not okay to make up excuses for not seeing your best friend again.”

Ian knew that Stewie was right. However, he didn't want to accept this. He wanted to meet Anthony so much but he didn't know how he would react. The fear was the force that led Ian further and further away from his home and even made him think that he would find his new home in Europe.

“If you wanna, I can go with you,” Stewie offered. “But if you pay for a plane ticket home.”

“It'd be nice, to be honest. But... Just tell me, why do you want it so much?” Ian managed to ask.

“Well... I can see you suffer. And I know your friend is suffering too. This is so wrong. And...” Stewie signed. “I know exactly how your friend feels. I had a friend once... We were really close to each other, just like brothers, but I've always been trolled for that. And once I found a note from him where he'd written that he was going to leave me. For good, he said. It's been 7 years since that day, but I still remember that day as if it was yesterday. I'd give everything I have to meet him once more. And... That's why I want it so much. I don't want you two to be in the same situation as me.”

Ian felt his heart sank.

“Oh my... I... I'm really sorry...” he mumbled.

“Don't be. You'll do much more if you go packing at once.”

“Well, you'd better do it too,” Ian tapped Stewie's shoulder and smiled.

Ian went into his room and pulled his suitcases under the bed. Daisy, who was sleeping in the corner, raised her head and looked at Ian questioningly.

“Daisy, we're going home!” Ian exclaimed.

“Woof!”

 

Four days later Ian and Stewie were in Sacramento. Ian decided to drive to the Smosh house first. He hoped that no one was there so he could prepare himself for the meeting.

“I actually thought there's hotter,” Stewie said.

“Well, it's fall, so... There's really hot in the summer, you know,” Ian smiled.

“You know, I'd like not to visit Cali in the summer,” Stewie laughed.

“Of course.”

When they almost reached the house, Ian stopped the car and signed.

“Stewie, I... I can't do this...” he muttered.

“Yes, you can!” Stewie exclaimed. “I'll be with you as your support.”

“Thanks...”

Ian started the engine again and drove the rest of the way to the house. He was really nervous but he couldn't step back and drove away. He didn't remember how he got in the threshold of the house and opened the door. When he went into the living room, he found no one in there and signed with relief. Then he heard heavy steps in the depth of the house and gulped. That was it.

“Ian?!”

Ian waved slightly to Anthony who was standing in front of him in the deep shock. They both didn't know what to do and what to say. Ian turned his head to the window and saw there Stewie who gave him thumbs up.

“So, uh...” Ian began but Anthony immediately interrupted him and hugged him as tightly as never before. Ian hugged him back and smiled. A second later Anthony broke the hug and punched Ian in his nose so hard that Ian fell on the floor.

“What was that for?” Ian asked, turning his head towards Anthony and holding his broken nose.

“For all these months I was dead inside,” Anthony answered coldly.

“I deserve it,” Ian agreed and tried to get up.

“No shit. I hate you so much for that. But, damn, I'm so happy you came back!!!”

“I'm happy too. But now you'll drive me to the ER!” Ian smiled.

“Sure, wait a sec!” Anthony rushed into his room to change.

Ian went to entrance where Stewie stood with Daisy and smiled to him.

“You may stay here for now, actually. And... Thank you for everything so much.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I start, I want to thank you for your feedback. It's really important for me.  
> I love you guys!

“So, wanna go with us or stay here?” Ian asked, holding his broken nose.

“I guess, I'd better stay here,” Stewie answered. “You need to talk with your friend, and I can look after Daisy. Or I can find out for what you're famous in 'narrow circles'.”

“Okay, come in, I'll show you these circles then,” Ian chuckled.

When Anthony went out of his room to pick Ian up to the ER, he found him with Stewie in front his laptop.

“... and here you can see our videos,” Ian finished and spotted Anthony who was staring at them. “Are you ready to go?”

“Y-yeah...” Anthony mumbled trying to understand what was wrong with the picture he witnessed.

“Oh, yeah!” Ian remembered to introduce Stewie to Anthony. “Stewie, this is Anthony, Anthony, this is not Ryan, his name is Stewie.”

“Who?” Anthony and Stewie asked at the same time.

“I'll explain later, if you don't mind.”

Ian wasn't sure how to act in front of Anthony, especially when he was alone with him. The lack of contact affected on him not in a good way. It felt like Anthony was a stranger to him, although they knew each other for ages. Ian had no idea how to break the ice so he preferred to remain silent. The most part of the way there was an uncomfortable silence between them. Even the radio was turned off. Finally, Anthony began to speak.

“You never told me who this Stewie guy was,” he said coldly.

“He was my neighbour in New York for a week or so,” Ian explained. “He persuaded me to write a letter to you and forced me to come back.”

“Oh,” Anthony signed frustrated. “So if he hadn't done it, you'd have never come back, right?”

“I... I don't know,” Ian closed his eyes. “I really wanted to come back all this time but I couldn't. I thought it would be better if I left you. I was the one who caused the troubles, so I decided to-”

“Stop it!” Anthony screamed in rage. “You caused the trouble only when you left! You haven't told me anything, any fucking thing! How do you think, what should I have thought? You bloody bastard...”

“I-I'm sorry, I haven't thought...” Ian mumbled.

“And why am I not surprised,” Anthony drawled sarcastically in the exact manner Ian did back then. “What's the point of apologising now? You can't reverse all these fucking four months. I wasn't alive, I just existed. I was pretending to be alive. Everything I did was only to hide my dead self inside me from the others. At some point, I thought I was ready to let you go, to give you up, but I was told that you'd come back... I thought it was the best option, because, you know, I realised I was just wasting my time, there was no point in waiting for someone who gave me up already. But I knew deep down in my mind that I couldn't let you go at fucking all. That I will be waiting for you, no matter what. And you, you fucker, you could call me, text me, just anything! Just to let me know you're save and alive! Let alone the fact you could just stay with me!!!”

Anthony hit the steering wheel in anger and clenched his teeth. Ian shrunk back into the seat. He was afraid of saying a word and heating Anthony's anger.

“All I wanted was my best friend beside me,” Anthony continued. “That's it. I didn't ask for more. But he's left. The only man I loved, the only man I knew for fucking 15 years, for fuck's sake! You haven't got even slightest idea how much I hate you now. I... I don't even know if I can call you my best friend. I don't think my best friend would do such a thing... And now... What now? All you can do now is just keep your mouth shut and stare at me, right?”

Ian was still silent.

“I thought so. All right. We're here. We'll talk later.”

Later Ian came out of the doctor's office with a bandage on his face, which looked ridiculous on him. Anthony wanted to laugh out loud when he saw Ian but all he did was giving him a cold nod.

Ian was already regretting about his homecoming. He was sure that Anthony was hurt even more with his comeback than when he was away. Anthony's actions only proved his point. He felt pain in his chest like there was a heavy weight on it since he appeared on the threshold of the Smosh house, and now he was almost suffocating. He was sure that it was too soon and he wasn't ready to face it, but he also knew that he would have never come back if he had waited for longer. He would have probably been on the plane to somewhere overseas now, but not in Anthony's car. He wasn't sure what was the worst – leaving his motherland forever or chocking with the heavy silence in the car. He recovered from his thoughts only when he noticed that Anthony turned into the drive-through. Anthony caught Ian's puzzled look and shrugged.

“What? I'm starving. I'll buy you a burrito, if you want. Do you?”

Ian nodded nervously and started to sing quietly.

“Sitting in a drive-thru, sitting in a drive-thru...”

Anthony smiled when he heard the song but banished the smile from his face immediately. He didn't intend to show Ian how much he missed him, although he did it already in any way possible.

 

“Hi!” Stewie exclaimed when he saw Ian coming in. “Where's Anthony?”

“He left,” he said and fell wearily on the couch. “How is it going?”

“All right, actually. Daisy was a very good girl. I also watched some of your videos, and now I'm not sure you're 27, it's more like 5, you know.”

“You're right at some point,” Ian smiled. “Oh, listen... I wanted to ask you...”

“What?”

“Can I... Can I move back in New York with you?”

Stewie stared at Ian puzzled.

“What did you just say?” he asked defiantly.

“Can I move-”

“I didn't ask you to repeat that!” Stewie snapped. “Why on Earth do you want that?”

“He hates me so much and it seems he doesn't want to see me...” Ian signed.

“Ian,” Stewie said, trying his best not to yell in anger. “Of course he hates you! Or you thought it would be easy? Seriously?”

“I didn't, but-” Ian began but Stewie interrupted him immediately.

“Yes, you did. But why can't you understand that it's good? It'd be bad if he was indifferent to this, but he wasn't! I'm sure that he left you because he needs to clear his head. But he loves you. Even blind could see that. Why can't you?”

“Because he hates me!” Ian answered. “And I don't know how to make him trust me again. I'm not his best friend any more. And guess who said that? Him. He said that. Right in my face. I think it's over now.”

 

Anthony returned in his apartment. He needed to be alone after the conversation he and Ian had that morning. When he decided to spend a night in the Smosh house after long shooting day, he couldn't imagine that in the morning he would see Ian in person. He was so overwhelmed that he stopped controlling himself. He knew he went too far with the 'best friend' thing. Now he thought that it was over and Ian was going to leave him, but for this time, forever. He fell on the bed, making sleeping Pip jump up in the air, played the song he was listening to every day when Ian left and began to sing along.

“When you try your best but you don't succeed,when you get what you want but not what you need, when you feel so tired but you can't sleep - stuck in reverse...”

His voice quavered as he was going to cry. There was a quiet knocking in his door, but Anthony didn't hear it and continued to sing.

“And the tears come streaming down your face when you lose something you can't replace. When you love someone but it goes to waste, could it be worse?”  
The door opened, and Mari entered the apartment.

“You'd better learn to lock the doors, you know,” she said and then heard the music. “Seriously? Again? How many times I told you not to listen to this song, it can only bring you down! What happened now?”

“... When you're too in love to let it go...” Anthony was still singing as if he hasn't heard Mari.

“Anthony!” she yelled.

“Hi,” Anthony said sadly and looked at Mari.

“What happened?”

“Ian is back.”

Mari stood in shock trying to process the information but she couldn't find any logic.

“I thought you'd be hitting the ceiling with your head and screaming in joy, to be honest... Are you really sure he's back?”

“I'm sure. But I spoilt everything. I told him that he's not my best friend any more.”

“You're a monster!” Mari whispered. “Why did you say that?”

“I... I don't know. I was happy and angry with him. It just dropped from my lips, and now I think that it's over and he's gone forever.”

“No. It's not over. Get up, we're going to visit him. And stop listening to Coldplay, for god's sake, there's no time for your depressions.”

When Anthony and Mari arrived in the Smosh house, Ian and Stewie weren't there. Anthony slowly went around the living room, leaned on the edge of a table and signed heavily.

“Told you. That's it. He left with this Stewie guy.”

“With whom?” Mari asked.

“A friend of his, Ian lived with him in New York. And... I guess, he's gonna be his next best friend... But that's okay. He's guilty in sacrificing our friendship for the stupidest reason; I'm guilty for saying I don't actually mean. I can't change anything now.”

The front door opened, and Ian came in to see Anthony and Mari. Mari spotted him and tried to hint Anthony about it, but Anthony didn't see it.

“I can only hope that he's happy now,” he continued. “But I wish he knew how much he's loved. I wish he was here to tell me that I'm-”

“-Jerk,” Ian finished Anthony's sentence.

Anthony turned around in surprise and saw Ian leaning against the wall.

“Oh my god... I thought you've already left...”

“I just went to buy a gift for your birthday. But I actually thought about it and-”

“Don't leave me, please!” Anthony cried. “I can't lose you again, I'm begging you...”

“So... You don't hate me?” Ian asked carefully.

“I do, but only for your leaving. I love you more, much more. Don't break my heart again, please,” Anthony whispered. “You need to be here, with me.”

“So, are we friends?”

“Best friends. Friendship always wins, you should never forget it.”

Ian slowly went to Anthony and hugged him tightly. Anthony put his head on Ian's shoulder and closed his eyes. They didn't move for a while, enjoying the moment.

This was the moment when friendship won again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I don't know Anthony's music preferences well (yup, I'm noob), but I love Coldplay, so Anthony in this story loves them too. Moreover, I think Coldplay's 'Fix You' is the best summary for the whole this story.


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